Yes, I’ll admit it, I was an online dater.  The stigma has passed; get over it.  “Can’t you find someone in the real world?” Despite the reputation; it’s not a collection of love-sick puppies desperately seeking to find someone.  It’s hard to justify; I know I’ve come across those that still have that negative perception.  The truth is actually somewhat surprising.  Avid users of these services have become members of a new age social circle and this community is continuously growing.   It baffles me to this day how many people I know who are online and the absolutely random connections or friends that we might share.

So what’s the drive?  Why are you online?  Though online dating at it’s core may have started as a partner seeking platform, it’s evolved into something radically different.  With the introduction of free services and overabundance of new apps, it’s become a gateway to casual dating and to some an addiction thereof.  Removing the cost of creating a profile has opened up dating services to new audiences; the young, the curious, and the cheap.  Now there’s no risk in making an account, at least not fiscally.  This, I feel, has forever changed the market.

In my time online I have encountered a variety of different dating personalities.  Ignoring the generic category of casual online dater I’ve narrowed it down to a few distinct personas.  Daters may be variations or even combinations of these groups.  I expect some backlash from these over-generalizations, but don’t hate.  Also, keep in mind my personal experience is in regards to free services such as OKCupid and Tinder and most likely does not reflect the average user of more well-known paid services.

“The New Guy”

This is what brought me online.  Moving to a place unfamiliar and not knowing a single soul, I couldn’t have predicted that online dating would become such a powerful networking tool.  I created a profile to meet people, not necessarily to date, but to drag me outside of my comfort zone.  Sure there are good dates and bad, but I don’t regret a thing.  I’ve met people I would have never encountered any other way.  I’ve made friendships that have lasted, shared acquaintances that faded, experienced nightmares I have to laugh at and yes, even found those whom I’ve dated.

“The Drunk Swiper”

Drunk?  Maybe a little curious?  No, not like that.  Seriously, Tinder has made it unbelievably easy to see what it’s like online.  I’ve heard it time and time again and this is easily the most common excuse for having an online profile.  Groups of friends create profiles out of bets or dares, but there’s no denying the element of curiosity behind it.  Sure, you may never login again, but there is a large majority that stick with it, surprised they met someone online… and it actually worked?  Though they’d never admit to it.

*Swiping right or left is the act of liking or disliking someone online and is admittedly sinfully addicting.  Boredom is another contributing factor; I’ve come across countless strangers on buses, elevators, etc. mindlessly swiping their matches.  It’s actually quite amusing to witness.

“The Serial Dater”

This is a term picked up during my travels.  This is an unexpected result and probably the biggest implication of online dating.  These are people who go from date to date, out of conquest, curiosity, or compulsion I know not.  Maybe it’s a little of each.  Even when someone comes across a good thing, they may be curious about the next possibility.  I’d categorize someone as pragmatic, drawn by the head, and looking for the best one.  When I realized I crossed over into this realm I deleted my profiles.  It’s not a bad thing, or is it?  I don’t want to make that call.  I just know it’s not for me.

“The Moocher”

A subcategory of Serial Dater, the Moocher is out for a free meal.  Often, the most experienced in online dating by quantity, I feel compelled to say this does not embody all serial daters.  It takes a “unique” person to feel comfortable meeting a new person for lunch and then another for dinner mere hours later.

“The Love Seeker”

Herein lies your cliché online dater; people logging in searching for someone to date or, in the extreme, for their next major relationship.  Usually the most trusting or honest of the daters, they’re online looking for something real. Truth be told, in this free app world, they’ve become the minority.  In my experience it’s rare that two people who meet online are actually looking for the same level of commitment.

“The Bed Surfer”

Down for a casual hookup or one night stand?  Look no further than these free apps.  Somewhere along the existence of Tinder it gained the reputation as the “Hookup App.”  It’s not my place to judge anyone for using online dating for casual sex, but it’s one of those things that contributes to the bad rep.  Not everyone is online for the casual hookup but the community is definitely out there.  It’s often easy to spot someone’s intent.

“The Ego-Booster”

Bored?  Depressed?  Vain?  Why not create a profile to make you feel better about your desirability to the opposite (or same) sex.  Sadly, this genre is growing and growing.  I’ll say it’s a little shallow to go online just to see how many swipes right (liking someone) you get without the intent of ever meeting someone.  Some people just get a kick out of having so many interested in them.  Sure, we all want an ego boost sometime, but appealing to an online audience? I guess?

“The Creep”

Welcome the socially awkward, the stalkers, or the fetishers.  I hate combining this into one category, but alas for simplicity, these are the people you don’t want to talk to.  You may encounter people who just don’t know how to react socially.  It sounds harsh but there are people like that and they’ve found their outlet online.  Worst offenders are the fetish seekers.  Girls usually get the brunt of the unwanted messages, but it’s not limited to them. “Hey sexy young man, do you like older women?”, “Do you want to take your socks off?” or “I know your profile says straight, but do you happen to be bi?”  Unfortunately, there’s a heavy overlap into the next category especially with that type of dater in particular.

“The Mass Messager”

Often resulting in the most humorous of encounters, mass messagers have become the running joke in the online dating community.  “What’s the worst message you’ve received?” has become the go to icebreaker when meeting someone offline.  You’re in for a good laugh or to be completely appalled by the fact that someone actually said that.  Ranging from terrible one liners, to novel like introductions, these cut-and-pasters feed into the bad rep of dating sites.  First time users are often greeted with a shower of unwanted spam.

“The Cheater”

This was the category that actually prompted me to write this blog post.  I’ve surprisingly come across this type of dater more times than allows me to consider it a random occurrence.  I was shocked to learn when someone was in a rough patch, confused about their current relationship, or on a break (cue Friends reference).  In honesty, they’re finding someone outside of their social circle that would have no ties to the significant other.  Are they actually looking to date?  I don’t think so; just reaffirm their current relationship or seek some temporary thrill.

“The Hidden Gem”

These are the truly rare, those who have no reason or need to be online, but do so out of curiosity.  These are the ones that make you ask yourself “Can they be real?” I don’t believe in fate or believe that there’s only one person for everyone, but these are the happy coincidences, the accidents of chance that make you appreciate your luck in finding them.

That’s it!  Congratulations if you’ve made it this far.  Hopefully the illustrations helped.  This is something I’ve wanted to write about for a while now because it embodied a year of my life.  I’m glad to be offline now, but I’m not bashing online dating, far from it.  It has it’s time and place, and I’d encourage anyone to at least try it.  Remove the misconception and maybe, just maybe, you’ll find your hidden gem.

Article & Illustrations by: BCB