In our lives, some of the hardest lessons to learn are matters of the heart.  We all experience attraction, connection, even love differently.  Even so, I feel that the lessons I’ve learned in my own love life can be shared and even applied universally.  There have been a few key relationships in the past few years where the message spoke loudest; taking slices of my heart with them.  In the spirit of the holiday I choose to open my heart to you, the reader.

The Lioness

Have you ever had one of those passionate, compulsive connections that take over your life?  Well… this was mine.  I learned the hard way that no matter how right something may feel there are always other factors at play.  Trust should not be given to those who don’t deserve it.  The tricky thing is, how can you tell the trustworthy from the not.  Time.  Actions over time speak so much louder than promises.  When you give your heart away, make sure it’s to someone who has earned that privilege.  Watch out for the manipulators that feed off naivety.

Lesson: Trust is earned, not merely given.

The Genuine

We often care what people think of us; it’s human nature.  The trouble is distinguishing when you may care a little too much about others perception of you.   Though we all seek to leave a good impression, the only person you really should be concerned with impressing is yourself.  I’m still struggling with this one today, but she encouraged me to look inside myself to see the real me and not the reflection in a stranger’s eye.  There are few pure and truly good people in this world and she is one of them.  I am fortunate to still have her as a friend and will constantly strive to return the strength that she’s given me.

Lesson: Be yourself, not who you think others may want. 

The Gymnast 

When a relationship ends it tends to leave an impression, or in some cases a scarring.  But we can’t let that take control over us.  Sure, there may be hurt, and you need time to recover but don’t block others out.  Somehow we put these blinders on and fail to see what’s right there in front of us.  It can stop you from finding someone genuine.  Never stop giving your full effort.  Yes, there’s risk involved.  There always will be.  But do you not take a bigger chance losing the right person if you neglect to show them your true colors; your full potential?  She told me this time and time again, but I failed to realize until it was too late.

Lesson: Don’t shut yourself off when you’re hurt.  You could miss out on someone great.

The Singer

Keeping in mind the previous lessons, you move forward.  Be concerned only with your own image of you, not the judgment of others.  Don’t close yourself off in case an opportunity presents itself.  And most importantly tread slowly and be aware of warning signs.

It was that lesson in particular that led to another insight.  Going into this pursuit I was unreserved.  I spoke true to my heart and let her know where I stood.  My head, on the other hand, lingered in the shadows, ever-watching.  Discrepancies appeared.  My gut reacted and I waited patiently, to see what played out, now cautious but not yet making brash assumptions.  Come to find out my instinct was right.  Somehow I gave it my all and put my heart out there, encountered deceit, and came out the other side.  Yes, there was hurt but I’m glad I put myself out there and gave it my all.  After, I moved forward yet again.

Lesson: Trust your gut.  Learn from your experiences.

The Luster

Love at first sight?  Yes, it can exist.  It can happen so fast and so ferociously that you throw all caution to the wind and dive in.  You both may.  But be weary of those who fall in love too easily and too fast.  Some crave and need companionship in their lives so fall for one after the other.  They never recognize themselves as a sole entity, but constantly seek out that other half.  Those ready to fall in love recognize that they themselves are complete on their own.

I do not fall easily but this time I did.  I’m glad to have felt those strong feelings but waiting for the one who would feel them for me and not just to feel them.  Be sure to recognize the difference between love and lust – in yourself, and in the other.

Lesson:  Know the difference between love and lust; those who fall in love and those who love the idea of love.

I have a newfound respect for dating and with it peace of mind.  Though a little wiser, I know there are still many hard lessons yet to come.  I welcome them with open arms as it is the hardships that challenge us.  It’s how we react to those challenges that defines who we will become; in love and in life.

Article and Illustrations by BCB